Maybellee's Birth Story

Those that know me well, knew how important a natural birth was to me. I spent my entire pregnancy reading scholarly journals, articles, books, watching videos, and everything I could get my hands on about natural birth, stages of labor, how labor works and birth hormones, estimated due dates, ultrasounds and doppler, epidurals, cesareans, and everything else pertaining to birth and pregnancy. I wanted what was best for baby, and I knew that it was a natural birth. So we hired an experienced midwife, remodeled our bathroom to put in a large enough tub for birthing, and planned for our home birth away from the hospital that treats all births as medical events. I was as much as a homebirthing hopeful as anyone could imagine. Unfortunately, I don't get to start this story with: I did it! Because I didn't. I didn't get my natural , vaginal birth.

However, I got to experience Natural labor - It was the most humbling, empowering, and amazing experience of my entire life. It literally transformed me... I feel like a new person. I feel better, improved, stronger than ever before. Going through the pains of labor to try and welcome my baby into this world the best way possible has opened a whole new realm in my heart. It was an amazing experience I wish EVERY woman would choose and be allowed to experience.

My story doesn't end as I had previously hoped; I don't get to be an example of how birth should be trusted. Instead, my story shows that, instead, sometimes there is a true need for hospitals and the interventions I typically despise. I still believe and trust in natural birth ….just not for myself. Most women, if given the right education, have the right motivation, and set their minds to it can safely birth without all the unnecessary interventions of inductions, pitocin, epidurals or csections. Unfortunately, I'm not 'most' women. I went above and beyond what I ever expected out of myself to prove it...

Here's Maybellee's birth story:

On Sunday August 11^th while on the boat at the lake with CJ's parents, I felt my water break. Technically by the doctor's estimated due date of July 29th, I was a day away from being 42 weeks (although we thought an accurate due date was August 11^th!!!, making me just 40 weeks exactly!). We got very excited and decided to head towards home in case labor started soon. We got home, cleaned like crazy, gathered all of our supplies for the midwife, called our midwife to let her know, and then waited... and waited... and waited. No contractions. My waters stopped leaking. We called the midwife before bed and we decided it was probably the forewaters, and that the important bag of waters was intact, but to call her with any changes. I didn't sleep well that night. I was up every hour, looking at the clock and wondering when my contractions would start. Nothing.

The next morning we got a call from my brother in law in the basement – uh oh! The basement apartment's water decided to break too! My husband took the day off to shop vac the water and fix the plumbing in the basement. I rested on the couch trying to nap and rest while I continued to wait for contractions. I had a few contractions here and there, but nothing regular or even timable. My waters still weren't leaking so I knew I had plenty of time to wait again...but now I was more excited and anxious then ever. I was definitely ready to meet my baby. We continued to wait, rest, go on walks, work on things around the house, and practice our patience.

August 13^th, I started noticing regular tightenings and cramping.They were between 7 and 15 minutes apart. They lasted 6 hours that evening. At 10, we went to bed, but I didn't sleep well that night. The contractions were typically 30 minutes apart, although a few times I got an hours to one and half hours break to sleep. By 6 am when CJ was getting up for work, I noticed the contractions had stopped. I was exhausted and disappointed. CJ went to work and I tried to nap.

Contractions started again in the evening August 14^th. They were far apart, but were drawing closer and closer together as bed time approached. We went to bed, and I noticed they were getting closer, more painful, and couldn't stay in bed. I kept getting in an out of bed to cope with the contractions. I couldn't sleep or lie through them anymore. They were 7 to 8 minutes apart and growing stronger, but because I wasn't sure if they would continue, I didn't wake CJ since I was sure they would quit by morning and he would need to be rested for work. I got tired of jumping in and out of bed whenever a contraction came on, so I went downstairs and sat at my computer bouncing on my ball. I labored and labored, waiting for them to stop, but by 2 am, they were under 5 minutes. They were getting difficult to breathe through, but I still wasn't convinced they would last.

All Pictures by Ashley Short Photograpy

Finally at 6am, I went back upstairs and woke CJ. I showed him the Contractions Timer App on my cell phone I had been recording them on and he asked me why I hadn't woken him sooner! We got up and ate breakfast, but they weren't stopping. He called his dad and got the day off. Finally it was starting to hit me, THIS is active labor. We called the midwife to inform her, but told her not to come just yet. I didn't want to her to come too soon and still was worried they might stop. I labored throughout the day, sometimes they would putter out for a little while, but then they would come on strong again. I was getting exhausted from not having slept in more than 24 hours so upon midwife's instructions I took a hot shower, a glass of wine and tried to go to bed since I had been without sleep for more than 24 hours. I got a little rest, but contractions were still strong, waking me up every 10 minutes. By 7 pm that evening, contractions hadn't stopped and we called the midwife again. 

 

August 15^th at 9:30 pm, my midwife and her assistant arrived and checked me. When she checked me, she told me I was 50% effaced (I think?) and 1 cm. I was a little disappointed, since I thought surely with all the work I'd been doing I would be a little bit further. Baby was in great position and she could feel the head, so I was reassured that I was getting somewhere and took it as something positive. At the time, she also mentioned something about my pelvis. She didn't emphasize it (or at least I wasn't paying much attention to it) because I was surely convinced I was going to birth my baby. I continued to labor, knowing that I might be in for a long haul. Our midwife suggested nipple stimulation to get the contractions to come harder and be more effective, so up to the bedroom me and CJ went. Oh boy did the contractions get tough! I squatted through every contraction for about 40minutes or a bit longer. I was so proud of myself how I was breathing through the pain and letting my body do its job. It surely wasn't easy! But then it started getting late. I was getting tired. At this point, I was already sleep deprived and exhausted. I was groggy which was affecting my ability to cope with the contractions. We decided I NEEDED to rest, so I tried lying down. My husband and midwife rubbed my back as I dozed in and out between contractions. I got a little over a half hours sleep. At 4 am, my midwife wanted to check me. I was excited to see how far my work had gotten me … I was 2 cm. I was severely discouraged to hear that news. At this point, my midwife mentioned going to the hospital to get pitocin. I thought she thought I wasn't trying or working hard enough. She left us alone to talk about it. I wasn't ready to give up. We went downstairs and I told her I wanted more time and I thought getting into the water was worth a try before going to the hospital – after all, we put a lot of work into remodeling the bathroom for the purpose of using it for the labor and birth! So she said at this point anything was worth a try. I got in the water and it was heaven. I got some sleep, about an hours worth, and did some work in there. 
  

Ashley Short Photography

At 9 am, she checked me again. This time, I was a soft 3 cm. I was relieved that I made progress and continued to labor with renewed energy, strength, and optimism. We did lots more nipple stimulation and a lot more squatting contractions to try and move baby down. I was determined to give into the pain and let it happen. I was working HARD for my baby. 

Unfortunately, by the afternoon, my contractions were starting to putter out, becoming really inconsistent and weak. The midwife mentioned the hospital one more time. This time, I got emotional. I was scared of the hospital - Scared of pitocon, scared of the epidural and terrified knowing the statistics that the two may lead to a csection.I had a good cry and the midwife talked to me. At this time, baby's heart rate was still good, baby was still in a great position, so I still wasn't ready to give in to leaving. She and I agreed to just a little bit more time. By this time my friend and birth photographer, Ashley, was there shooting the labor. We decided to go on one more walk to see if we could get the contractions going again. Husband and I also spent some time alone to have sex and a warm shower while my midwife, her assistant and Ashley left for lunch. This did the trick! Contractions were strong and regular again. My husband also took a few opportunities to nap while my midwife, her assistant, and Ashley helped me through the contractions. 

 

Around 4, I was checked. No progress. 3 cm. It was time. I had a quick cry with my husband but then we got busy packing (ooops! We forgot to pack an in-case bag!), called the hospital to let them know we will be arriving in a little while. They went downstairs to get my sister for me. It took us awhile to get things packed since I was still working through contractions. Maybe an hour or so? later we were ready to leave for the hospital. My sister rode in the car with me for the 10 minute drive and we talked and cried about it. I was going to the hospital for help. I would accept pitocin, but I was still not ready to give up. I was not going to get the epidural. At this point, I had already been in active labor at home for 64 hours.

We got to the hospital and they immediately put me on the monitor and checked me. They laid me flat on my back, which I hadn't done ALL labor long, and the nurse was very aggressive with her vaginal check. I have sexual abuse in my past, so it immediately sent me into a panic attack and baby's heart rate dropped. They got me off my back, thank God. I was able to calm myself down and Baby's heart rate returned to normal. But because of it, they said I wasn't able to get out of bed because they needed to a good baseline on the heart rate. I kept asking how long I had to be in the bed and finally they said at least an hour. I agreed to that. An hour went by and they still hadn't let me out of bed, but I continued to bug them. They were finally starting the high pit dose so I definitely was starting to feel a need to get out of bed to handle the contractions. Finally, they gave me a birth ball! I shot out of bed and started laboring away.

Ashley Short Photography

 I labored with the pitocin for 8 hours with the help of a fantastic labor support team composed of my twin, husband, brother in law, close friend and Midwife. It was back labor, so I had hands all over me, squeezing my hips, rubbing my back, pressing on the small of my back. My friends and family took turns so that I constantly had someone's loving hands helping me through.While I was bouncing, CJ squeezed my hips to help. Eventually, that wasn't enough so then Ashley and Tessa were helping by pressing in the middle of my back. Sometimes I would lean and hug on Ashley through a contraction, and I remember always thinking how tiny she was to hold.  

 

I had such an amazing support team.

I remember complaining that I never made a labor CD, so my labor support team finally found some music on a TV channel – the 80's! Perfect. It lightened the mood and I was feeling very excited and optimistic. I bounced away, sometimes singing along to my favorite 80's songs. At one point, I remember my sister walking like an Egyptian. Unfortunately, the bouncing made it difficult for them to get a good reading of the heart rate, but I had several good nurses that sat on the floor holding the monitor just right so I could continue to bounce away. Eventually, I needed to try something new. Because I was still on the monitor, I had to stay right next to the bed. So I stood and leaned on the bed and rocked my hips away. The mood was powerful in the room. 

Ashley Short Photography

My midwife was leaning across the bed on the other side, holding my hand and looking into my face and helping me breath and moan through the pain when I needed the help, reminding me to let my body do its work. The contractions were getting harder and closer. I no longer had much time to do a whole lot of talking and laughing between. Someone found the Contemporary Christian music channel for me; it was time to start looking to God for strength, and surely He gave it.

Having a contraction while getting the epidural.

 I did reach 5 cm within the first couple hours, but by 1 am, baby's heart rate was starting to have occasional worrisome dips, so I was in bed in a side lying position still working through the contractions to make sure baby was safe. I was working the hardest I've ever worked in my life. By now, my deep breathing and low moaning was turning into a dinosaur roar. Contractions were right on top of one another. I was starting to shake. By my behavior, nurses were suspecting I may be close to transition, so they checked me.

When I was checked, I was still a 5. Immediately when I heard no progress despite all the awesome hard work I had been doing with pit contractions, I lost all control and couldn't get it back. Suddenly the pain that had a purpose, that I was finding the strength to get through, became absolutely unbearably painful and I think I may have started to scream during them. I no longer was hearing the lyrics to my favorite Christian songs. I was crying and shaking, making them hurt more. Finally, I was crying for the epidural. For this moment of weakness, I am not proud. It arrived at 2 am. I did manage to get my control back and work through those contractions while we waited an hour for the anestegiolist to get there. I had to prove to myself that I was still in control and think more rationally about the epidural. The anesthesiologist arrived, I asked my questions, seriously read every word on the contract stating the side effects and risks. I hated signing the consent, but I knew I had to. I needed rest. And I hoped that relaxing my body would relax my cervix. Right after the epidural, I was checked again. This time I was a 6. The hour we waited, I either progressed a cm or the epidural was working quick at relaxing me and my cervix! I was very hopeful that the epidural would relax my body enough to do the trick so I could have a vaginal delivery.

Sometime after receiving the epidural, the doctor finally arrived and checked me himself. He mentioned that baby had switched positions and that it was going to be a tight fit. He said it a few times. If it would happen, it would be a tight fit. At the time, I thought he was referring to baby's position.

I labored with the epidural for 16 hours but never made it past 7 cm. I slept most of the time. Baby's heart rate was still mostly okay, but every once in awhile still had worrisome drops. All along throughout the time I had the epidural, I was expecting the csection and was mentally preparing myself for it. My labor support team was great. We did a lot of talking and crying throughout the time after I got the epidural and before the surgery. I'm not sure when, but at some point my midwife talked to me, gave me a hug and apologized but she thought it was time for her to go. She had already done so much for me; I couldn't believe she had stayed as long as she had. Before the Cesarean, I was finally made aware that my pelvis had a poor shape. My midwife didn't emphasize the problem during labor besides the very brief comment very early on in labor, for which I'm glad. I needed to give it my all, and maybe I wouldn't have if I had doubt about my pelvis lurking in the back of my mind. Tessa and Ashley better explained it to me for my midwife, since she had to leave a few hours earlier. Finally I had the ah-ha moment. The doctor wasn't talking about baby's position; he was talking about my pelvis, too. After my sister and friend better explained what was wrong with my pelvis, I knew that it wasn't going to happen vaginally. When I was told, I wasn't entirely shocked. Chiropractors in the past have made remarks about my pelvis and I did go frequently to the Chiro during this entire pregnancy and although he never outright said that there something not quite right about my pelvis, he always had issues getting me adjusted and was always surprised when I said I wasn't in pain. It was that time I made the necessary decision to have the cesarean before it turned into an emergency situation. So, Once the decision was made I had a good cry with my labor support team and got it all out. Then it was time. I put on a brave, optimistic face – I was about ready to finally meet my baby!

Maybellee Joyce Grieser was born August 17th at 7:08pm 6lbs 11oz 21 inches via csection after 64 hours total active, natural labor, 8 hours pitocin labor, and 16 hours epidural labor. By the doctor's estimated due date, she was born at 42 weeks +5 days gestationally, but when dated gestationally after birth, they said 41 weeks, which did align with what the later due date I thought all along.

I remember hearing the nurses say, “Look at that head of hair!” Daddy stood up and looked over the curtain and watched as baby arrived. I heard baby cry. It was the most perfect sound. I heard Dr. F reminding everyone in the room not to announce the sex, because we had planned for Charles to do that. CJ couldn't see the sex right away since they had to clean her up right away since there was meconium. After a short minute, he got permission to leave my side and go to the other side of the room to be with baby. After what seemed forever, Charles brought her over and told me she was a girl. My joy was beyond words can express. I wanted my girl so bad. And she had a full head of dark, thick hair. I got my girl with her daddie's looks. Exactly what I wanted. She was perfect. 

They allowed CJ and Baby to stay for a short amount of time, but then eventually Dad and Baby left. I had a lot of extra bleeding, a weird pain shot up my arm into my shoulder and neck, and everyone was rushing around. I got stuck in the arm with a very large needle and I was shaking uncontrollably. I kept thinking that my shaking was going to make the surgeon sew me up wrong or that it meant I was dying, so I tried my best to stay calm. I breathed and breathed, just picturing my precious baby. As the surgery was finally wrapping up, someone asked me what her name was. I told them Maybellee. Dr. F didn't understand me and kept asking, “Maple Leaf?” It gave everyone a good chuckle. Finally, the surgery was done and I finally mentioned the shoulder pain to the anesthesiologist, which he explained happens sometimes. Just a body's way of dealing with pain it can't feel – it sends the pain to somewhere where you can feel it. I declined the morphine he wanted to give to me right away for it. I already had plans that Maybellee was to join me for our first breastfeeding ASAP in the recovery room so I wanted to be awake and alert. 

Finally being reunited in Recovery.

After what seemed forever, Charles, Tessa and my birth photographer Ashley brought her to me in Recovery. Tessa and Ashley helped me breast feed her for the fist time, since I didn't have much control with my arms. I can't even start to adequately express the joy I had seeing them bring my baby back to me after what felt like a terribly long time to be separated. I never wanted to be separated from her again. 







 

 

When I made the decision to go into surgery, I was expecting to come out of it and be in tears for awhile. Little did I know, they wouldn't be tears of shame, regret and pain but of very happy tears. And I owe it all to Tessa and Ashley. With their help, I went into surgery knowing that I did not fail. My body simply couldn't do it. My body may have failed me and my baby, but I DID NOT fail. I did everything I could to get baby out vaginally and as naturally as possible. A Cesarean was absolutely necessary. I don't think I could have handled the Cesarean as well as I did without the two of them being there to support me through it. They had gone before me and experienced it themselves before. They helped me through the coping with the fear of the csection and the feeling of failure. When I started expressing my regrets, or should have, or what ifs, they were there to tell me how great I did. They reassured me that a Cesarean wasn't too terrible. They talked me through it so that I felt good about my decision. They were there to tell me that I didn't fail and everything thing else I needed to hear.

For the most part I had amazing nurses and a great doctor that was very patient who allowed me to exhaust my options. I'm very thankful that I had nurses that were accommodating to let me labor out of the bed. I have an absolutely awesome husband , midwife, and labor support team that went without sleep to help me through it. I can't thank them all enough. I have never been more thankful for my husband, for being as wonderful and supportive as he is. My midwife went without sleep one whole night at my own home, then came with me to the hospital and lost more sleep. I never expected her to stay as long as she did, but she did. All throughout the pit contractions, she was there by my side holding my hand, helping me breath through them. Looking me in the eye, offering encouraging smiles, reminding me that I could do it, telling me what a great job I was doing. The love she showed me was something beyond what I ever expected out of her. The way my sister and Ashley gave CJ a break and let him nap and rest. Even how my brother in law supported me through the pit contractions at the hospital, helping take turns to squeeze my hips and apply pressure to my back. Without complaint he helped Tessa help me. It was awesome to see them working as a team to support me. Ashley followed me to the hospital and spent a night away for the first time from her nursing baby to make sure she was there for me, letting me hang onto her and rest on her as I labored while others worked their magic on my back, helping take turns to apply pressure to my back and hips. She was there to photograph my homebirth, and I'm still can't believe she stayed with me when it turned into a transfer. I never expected her to stay at the hospital until the very end, but she did. I don't have enough time and words to express my absolute gratitude to everyone.

Now that I'm home, I've mostly been on a high, enjoying every moment of my new baby. I have been in pretty good spirits about the csection and my plans not working out despite all the time planning, reading, researching, hoping and praying for a natural birth for my baby. I feel great that I did everything I possibly could... but shortly after her birth Charles and I already started to have serious discussions about why it didn't work: my pelvis. Maybellee is such a tiny baby. I labored for so long. I'm convinced that if I can't push her out despite good position and her tiny size and the long labor, I wont be able to push out any future babies. I wont even try. I will not plan a VBAC, knowing what I know now. My dream of a perfect birth doesn't correspond with my body. Because I am aware of the increasing risks and dangers with every subsequent Cesarean, Charles and I have already decided if we are blessed with another despite my fertility issues, we'll have to be done after a second. One more Cesarean is all that I want to take a risk on.

Rational decisions…decisions that quite haven't hit me emotionally yet and I'm just now starting to process as I'm slowly coming down off from the birth high. Thankfully, CJ and I have always planned on adopting and fostering, so we will still get the large family we want. Also, when the time does come when these rational decisions we are making about the future of our family does start to fall heavily on me, I have two wonderful friends, my twin and Ashley that are by my side, that share my pain of not achieving a natural birth we all worked so hard for, that we all deserved but just didn't get. Its not fair that us women that want a natural birth and work hard for it and for our babies don't get what so many other women do without planning or those women that take their ability for granted... Its not fair. And it hurts. But if life was fair, I don't think I would deserve or would have been blessed with wonderful friends, family, an absolutely wonderful husband, and my most precious gift of all...my maybe baby that we weren't sure we'd ever conceive, my sweet, sweet Maybellee.